About two or three weeks ago, I talked about how Cena may become a heel in 2010. However, completely ignore what I said. It seems that WWE Creative Team are still going to remain stubborn. Yeah, the toddlers swimming in Cena shirts and replica spinner belts and the old, horny chicks are more important than the knowledgable fans.
Did you see the past week of Raw? In the tag match between Kingston + Cena and Legacy, John Cena comes in and completely bulldozes Cody Rhodes(as always) and appears to be a bit fatigued after Ted DiBiase "hit him from behind". Later in the night, he gets into a brawl with Big Show, and he throws him out as if Big Show were a chocolate wrapper. He then gets thrown out by both members of DX, to make it seem that it was "2 on 1". Speaking of DX, they've officially achieved Cena status. Not only did they bulldoze another young tag team after the other week by week, but they also buried the World's Largest Athlete, Big Show, another young talent, The US champion, The Miz and possibly one of the best guest hosts of Raw in a long time, Jon Heder. And seriously, did you see how they completely embarrassed Heder? It was very painful to watch, to say the least.
So ACA, do not expect anything from the WWE regarding Cena turning into a heel for at least early 2010.
Vafa
January 26, 2010
January 15, 2010
Okay, I ran out of ideas......
For those of you waiting the finish to "Shane Resigns" -- don't hold your breath. It seems I've pulled a WWE and run out of ideas, so I just decided to stop it dead. At least I have the heart to tell you instead of just dropping it randomly one day and never speaking of it again (Brett DiBiase).
Sorry to those who I've let down, and I'll find a way to make it up to you.
Nic
Sorry to those who I've let down, and I'll find a way to make it up to you.
Nic
January 10, 2010
Future of John Cena
As I did my Crystal Ball post, I got reminded of the future of John Cena. And judging by the way he's being booked, big things MAY happen. Keep on reading to see my analysis of what could happen to John Cena in 2010.
But first, is it actually possible that Cena may get a *gasp* heel turn? Well, with his future well in doubt, evident because of the way he's being booked in the mid-card, he may well gain the attention of the WWE Creative Team. Thank god the Creative Team finally have gained some common sense. He's a whooping five years overdue for a heel turn, and it could not have came in a better time.
So, how do we transform Cena into a heel? Nic already demostrated one way back in June. However, I'll give another possible way. Simple, make him start feuding with somebody like Triple H, make him pull off a dirty move(Such as a low blow, or a chair shot without referee noticing). Then when questioned by the fans/Triple H of his motives, Cena states that he's tired of the face bullshit. That leads him to attacking Triple H, and thus officially turning him into a heel.
But wait, there is one problem of making Cena a heel, however, this problem is a HUGE one. You've all guessed it, merch sales. Let's face it guys, there isn't another superstar that brings in merch sales as Cena. Eg. For every single CM Punk, Randy Orton, Triple H, HBK, Hornswoggle, Batista, Rey Mysterio, Morisson, Finlay, Undertaker, Kane, Christian or Goldust t-shirt sold, there are four Cena shirts sold at the same time. And since most of his buyers are under the age of eleven, turning Cena into a heel will make him seem "bad", therefore since kiddies despise "bad people", it'll make kiddies despise Cena. And if Cena is despised, Cena's merch won't be bought. And if Cena's merch won't be bought, sales will take a huge hit. Okay, if that was confusing for some of you, I'll just simplify it. Cena turning heel => Cena being despised by kiddies => Kiddies not buying Cena merch => Cena merch taking a hit. It's quite simple, eh?
But then again, can you risk ratings and the more intelligent fans for merch sales? I think not. I hope the WWE gets to their senses by 2010. Will this be the year?
Vafa
But first, is it actually possible that Cena may get a *gasp* heel turn? Well, with his future well in doubt, evident because of the way he's being booked in the mid-card, he may well gain the attention of the WWE Creative Team. Thank god the Creative Team finally have gained some common sense. He's a whooping five years overdue for a heel turn, and it could not have came in a better time.
So, how do we transform Cena into a heel? Nic already demostrated one way back in June. However, I'll give another possible way. Simple, make him start feuding with somebody like Triple H, make him pull off a dirty move(Such as a low blow, or a chair shot without referee noticing). Then when questioned by the fans/Triple H of his motives, Cena states that he's tired of the face bullshit. That leads him to attacking Triple H, and thus officially turning him into a heel.
But wait, there is one problem of making Cena a heel, however, this problem is a HUGE one. You've all guessed it, merch sales. Let's face it guys, there isn't another superstar that brings in merch sales as Cena. Eg. For every single CM Punk, Randy Orton, Triple H, HBK, Hornswoggle, Batista, Rey Mysterio, Morisson, Finlay, Undertaker, Kane, Christian or Goldust t-shirt sold, there are four Cena shirts sold at the same time. And since most of his buyers are under the age of eleven, turning Cena into a heel will make him seem "bad", therefore since kiddies despise "bad people", it'll make kiddies despise Cena. And if Cena is despised, Cena's merch won't be bought. And if Cena's merch won't be bought, sales will take a huge hit. Okay, if that was confusing for some of you, I'll just simplify it. Cena turning heel => Cena being despised by kiddies => Kiddies not buying Cena merch => Cena merch taking a hit. It's quite simple, eh?
But then again, can you risk ratings and the more intelligent fans for merch sales? I think not. I hope the WWE gets to their senses by 2010. Will this be the year?
Vafa
January 9, 2010
Crystal Ball of 2010
I was on wwe.com the other day, and I noticed the crystal ball headline. According to wwe.com, it was a list of ten superstars who they thought would become champion in 2010. So without further a do, let's get on with it.
#10
Ezekiel Jackson
Standing 6-foot-4, the massive Ezekiel Jackson firmly established himself as a force to be reckoned with since coming to the WWE in 2008. Win or lose, the 300-pounder's opponents always gain a new level of respect for Jackson once they feel his power first-hand. In 2010, can Jackson put it all together and make an even bigger name of himself?
My thoughts:
Real interesting thought by wwe.com. Since he's out of the Roundtable shadow, he might actually gain some gold, or at least try to.
#9
R-Truth
Success is a combination of skill, a little bit of luck, and sometimes emotion. Perhaps no Superstar is more fired up than R-Truth, who pumps up the WWE Universe with his signature entrance song before every match. Can he parlay this Raw emotion into more victories in 2010?
My thoughts:
Judging by the way he's being booked, I do sense a R-Truth push. Maybe a IC title reign in '10?
#8
Yoshi Tatsu
One of the brightest, most ambitious youngsters to arrive in the Land of the Extreme via ECW's New Superstar Initiative is Yoshi Tatsu. ECW Champion Christian has called him the determined Japanese Superstar the most-deserving to fight for the Extreme Title, which he did in October. While the high-energy Tatsu didn't capture the ECW Title when pitted against his experienced mentor, Christian, could the ECW Championship be far from his reach?
My thoughts:
Tatsu may not seem to be a main-event competitor, but since what the WWE did to McIntyre and Sheamus, I don't think we'll be seeing the last of him in 2010.
#7
Luke Gallows
No Superstar on this list brings more unknowns to the ring than Luke Gallows, formerly Festus. After adopting the "straightedge" lifestyle under CM Punk's tutelage, Gallows has shown he is both willing and able to dish out some harsh punishment in the ring. As he does Punk's bidding, will any of his efforts be translated into success for Gallows, himself?
My thoughts:
I say that Gallows will continue Punk's bidding for a while, until he turns on him and goes on for some singles gold. If he doesn't do that, only the unified tag team titles are sensible.
#6
Zack Ryder
A former tag team champion, Zack Ryder has developed a penchant for admiring his own good looks...and this might not be a bad thing. As actor Billy Crystal's Fernando Lamas character used to say on Saturday Night Live, "It is better to look good than to feel good." The question for 2010 is - Can Ryder find a way to look mah-velous in the ring?
My thoughts: I think Ryder will start defeating jobbers, gradually going up the ladder until he is a top contender. After a couple of unsuccessful shots, Ryder will finally become champion, or will he? Maybe even a rivalry with Christian or Benjamin will kickstart his quest for gold.
#5
Ted DiBiase
Another Superstar who is now on a quest for singles success is Raw's Ted DiBiase. Without Randy Orton and Cody Rhodes at his side, would this third-generation Superstar be looking to prove what he is capable of? Could this former tag team champion finally win one for himself?
My thoughts: This one's real ambigious. DiBiase can either fight off Orton and Rhodes, start a rivalry with another Superstar or look to get some gold(Not sure if it's either WWE or US). I say a rivalry with Kingston, Swagger or Miz will be likely.
#4
The Hart Dynasty
With a wrestling lineage second to none, David Hart Smith and Tyson Kidd are more than prepared to capture greatness. After paying their dues in the legendary Hart Family dungeon, it's almost a matter of when, not if, they will realise their destiny.
My thoughts: Ah yes, Hart Dynasty, the proclaimed best tag team from the ACA-CT end of year awards. Let us only hope that they really live up to what wwe.com just said there. A rivalry with newcomers Croft and Baretta does make sense. If that doesn't work, maybe a rivalry with DX, which we'll see Hart Dynasty getting bulldozed by them.
#3
Evan Bourne
Mass and power are good and all, but speed and agility are also keys to succeeding in the ring. The high-flying Evan Bourne posseses both in spades. This exciting young superstar appears to be on the precipice of really big things. Don't blink your eyes, or you may just miss his next move.
My thoughts: Evan Bourne will probably spend the rest of the year rivalling with the Miz or Swagger and teaming up with Kingston. Or maybe, he might try to get the US title.
#2
Alicia Fox
Ever since moving on from being Edge's wedding planner, Alicia Fox has shown she is capable of so much more. This fiery Diva epitomises what it means to be smart, sexy and powerful. It's a safe bet that every Diva on the roster has taken notice.
My thoughts: Meh, I don't even remotely care for WWE's female wrestling joke. And by the way, isn't Alicia Fox a crossover name from an actor and a singer?
#1
Dolph Ziggler
His name is Dolph Ziggler and he made sure everyone knew it in 2009. With competitive matches against Rey Mysterio and John Morisson, this young superstar is chomping the bit for his time in the spotlight. There is perhaps no one hungrier in WWE. If you still don't know his name, you will in 2010.
My thoughts: There's a huge difference between being hungry and satisfied. It won't make a difference if you give him a million title shots with no result. And seeing how they pushed McIntyre, I sense that the WWE has lost hope in Ziggler. Let's hope I am wrong...
Total evaluation: Not a bad review, although a few were missing, such as Croft and Baretta. But other than that, it was a suprisingly good list. Let's just hope it's true.
The list can be seen here.
Vafa
#10
Ezekiel Jackson
Standing 6-foot-4, the massive Ezekiel Jackson firmly established himself as a force to be reckoned with since coming to the WWE in 2008. Win or lose, the 300-pounder's opponents always gain a new level of respect for Jackson once they feel his power first-hand. In 2010, can Jackson put it all together and make an even bigger name of himself?
My thoughts:
Real interesting thought by wwe.com. Since he's out of the Roundtable shadow, he might actually gain some gold, or at least try to.
#9
R-Truth
Success is a combination of skill, a little bit of luck, and sometimes emotion. Perhaps no Superstar is more fired up than R-Truth, who pumps up the WWE Universe with his signature entrance song before every match. Can he parlay this Raw emotion into more victories in 2010?
My thoughts:
Judging by the way he's being booked, I do sense a R-Truth push. Maybe a IC title reign in '10?
#8
Yoshi Tatsu
One of the brightest, most ambitious youngsters to arrive in the Land of the Extreme via ECW's New Superstar Initiative is Yoshi Tatsu. ECW Champion Christian has called him the determined Japanese Superstar the most-deserving to fight for the Extreme Title, which he did in October. While the high-energy Tatsu didn't capture the ECW Title when pitted against his experienced mentor, Christian, could the ECW Championship be far from his reach?
My thoughts:
Tatsu may not seem to be a main-event competitor, but since what the WWE did to McIntyre and Sheamus, I don't think we'll be seeing the last of him in 2010.
#7
Luke Gallows
No Superstar on this list brings more unknowns to the ring than Luke Gallows, formerly Festus. After adopting the "straightedge" lifestyle under CM Punk's tutelage, Gallows has shown he is both willing and able to dish out some harsh punishment in the ring. As he does Punk's bidding, will any of his efforts be translated into success for Gallows, himself?
My thoughts:
I say that Gallows will continue Punk's bidding for a while, until he turns on him and goes on for some singles gold. If he doesn't do that, only the unified tag team titles are sensible.
#6
Zack Ryder
A former tag team champion, Zack Ryder has developed a penchant for admiring his own good looks...and this might not be a bad thing. As actor Billy Crystal's Fernando Lamas character used to say on Saturday Night Live, "It is better to look good than to feel good." The question for 2010 is - Can Ryder find a way to look mah-velous in the ring?
My thoughts: I think Ryder will start defeating jobbers, gradually going up the ladder until he is a top contender. After a couple of unsuccessful shots, Ryder will finally become champion, or will he? Maybe even a rivalry with Christian or Benjamin will kickstart his quest for gold.
#5
Ted DiBiase
Another Superstar who is now on a quest for singles success is Raw's Ted DiBiase. Without Randy Orton and Cody Rhodes at his side, would this third-generation Superstar be looking to prove what he is capable of? Could this former tag team champion finally win one for himself?
My thoughts: This one's real ambigious. DiBiase can either fight off Orton and Rhodes, start a rivalry with another Superstar or look to get some gold(Not sure if it's either WWE or US). I say a rivalry with Kingston, Swagger or Miz will be likely.
#4
The Hart Dynasty
With a wrestling lineage second to none, David Hart Smith and Tyson Kidd are more than prepared to capture greatness. After paying their dues in the legendary Hart Family dungeon, it's almost a matter of when, not if, they will realise their destiny.
My thoughts: Ah yes, Hart Dynasty, the proclaimed best tag team from the ACA-CT end of year awards. Let us only hope that they really live up to what wwe.com just said there. A rivalry with newcomers Croft and Baretta does make sense. If that doesn't work, maybe a rivalry with DX, which we'll see Hart Dynasty getting bulldozed by them.
#3
Evan Bourne
Mass and power are good and all, but speed and agility are also keys to succeeding in the ring. The high-flying Evan Bourne posseses both in spades. This exciting young superstar appears to be on the precipice of really big things. Don't blink your eyes, or you may just miss his next move.
My thoughts: Evan Bourne will probably spend the rest of the year rivalling with the Miz or Swagger and teaming up with Kingston. Or maybe, he might try to get the US title.
#2
Alicia Fox
Ever since moving on from being Edge's wedding planner, Alicia Fox has shown she is capable of so much more. This fiery Diva epitomises what it means to be smart, sexy and powerful. It's a safe bet that every Diva on the roster has taken notice.
My thoughts: Meh, I don't even remotely care for WWE's female wrestling joke. And by the way, isn't Alicia Fox a crossover name from an actor and a singer?
#1
Dolph Ziggler
His name is Dolph Ziggler and he made sure everyone knew it in 2009. With competitive matches against Rey Mysterio and John Morisson, this young superstar is chomping the bit for his time in the spotlight. There is perhaps no one hungrier in WWE. If you still don't know his name, you will in 2010.
My thoughts: There's a huge difference between being hungry and satisfied. It won't make a difference if you give him a million title shots with no result. And seeing how they pushed McIntyre, I sense that the WWE has lost hope in Ziggler. Let's hope I am wrong...
Total evaluation: Not a bad review, although a few were missing, such as Croft and Baretta. But other than that, it was a suprisingly good list. Let's just hope it's true.
The list can be seen here.
Vafa
January 5, 2010
Shaky Start to the War
With last night's return of the Monday Night Wars, a new era in professional wrestling is brewing.... Or is it?
I'll start with Raw. Aside from Bret Hart, it was just another edition of Raw. Same old, same old. Nothing exciting happened. This says one of 2 things: WWE is confident in their current product, which I applaud even though the current product sucks. That, or WWE has no confidence in TNA's product, which is semi foolish.
It aired just as it normally does, with nothing special to it at all. I'll admit, I wasn't expecting much from Vince, and even I was disappointed. I thought Vince would have at least given us something decent to watch. But he didn't. We saw the same thing we do on any given week.
TNA was full of production errors too much politics, and a Steel Asylum ending that would put WCW to shame (if you know your history, you'll know what I'm talking about). Seriously, I thought the Asylum was no DQ? The show was also plagued with commercials, which I think is the only reason they were able to expand to 3 hours.
TNA also seemed to be banking on tar power as opposed to in ring action, as there was less wrestling during the 3 hours of TNA than there was in WWE's 2. TNA did a star overload, by booking too many big names instead of putting on a great show with who they had.
What bothered me the most was the commercials. TNA would come back for literally 40 seconds and go to commercial again. They did it about 6 times. I'm sorry, but when you come back from commercial, am I wrong to expect at least 5 minutes of action until the next one?
If TNA is hoping to compete with WWE, they had better step their game up big time if last night was anything to go by.
Stay tuned for our 2009 awards.
Nic
I'll start with Raw. Aside from Bret Hart, it was just another edition of Raw. Same old, same old. Nothing exciting happened. This says one of 2 things: WWE is confident in their current product, which I applaud even though the current product sucks. That, or WWE has no confidence in TNA's product, which is semi foolish.
It aired just as it normally does, with nothing special to it at all. I'll admit, I wasn't expecting much from Vince, and even I was disappointed. I thought Vince would have at least given us something decent to watch. But he didn't. We saw the same thing we do on any given week.
TNA was full of production errors too much politics, and a Steel Asylum ending that would put WCW to shame (if you know your history, you'll know what I'm talking about). Seriously, I thought the Asylum was no DQ? The show was also plagued with commercials, which I think is the only reason they were able to expand to 3 hours.
TNA also seemed to be banking on tar power as opposed to in ring action, as there was less wrestling during the 3 hours of TNA than there was in WWE's 2. TNA did a star overload, by booking too many big names instead of putting on a great show with who they had.
What bothered me the most was the commercials. TNA would come back for literally 40 seconds and go to commercial again. They did it about 6 times. I'm sorry, but when you come back from commercial, am I wrong to expect at least 5 minutes of action until the next one?
If TNA is hoping to compete with WWE, they had better step their game up big time if last night was anything to go by.
Stay tuned for our 2009 awards.
Nic
December 26, 2009
The ACA-CT's end of year awards 2009
Welcome one and welcome all to the ACA-CT's version of the slammys and our last post of 2009! Here, we'll be talking about the best, worst and the most craziest things that have happened in the WWE. The theme song for tonight is All Secrets Known by the returning Alice in Chains from their first album in more than a decade. Now, that aside, let's kick things off with our first award...
This award is for the best entrance music of the year. Nominees are... Motorhead for "The Game" which is used by Triple H, Killswitch Engage for "This Fire Burns" the entrance theme for CM Punk, Adelitas Way for "It's A New Day"(Wow, it rhymes!) which is used by both Ted DiBiase and Cody Rhodes, Mutiny Within and Jim Johnston for "Born To Win" which is used by Evan Bourne and the Stonefree Experience for "Ain't No Make Believe" which John Morrison uses. And the winner is........Adelita's Way for "It's A New Day"!
Well, congratulations to Adelita's Way for their win. The next award is for the worst storyline of 2009. Not really something you want to win. Nominees are...Chavo vs. Hornswoggle, Teddy Long being on probation, Brett DiBiase going nowhere, Santino vs. Hornswoggle, Gimmick PPV's and Miz vs. Cena. The winner for this is....Gimmick PPV's.
Well, there you have it, the worst storyline of '09. Let this be a lesson to Vince for 2010. The next award is the counterpart of the last award, yes, it's the best storyline of '09. The nominees for this award are Batista turning heel, Jerishow forming, Legacy forming, Punk vs. Hardy and Triple H pedigreeing Hornswoggle. The envelope please....Punk vs. Hardy.
Well, the best storyline of '09. Congratulations to everybody involved. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the special guest who'll award the next prize...Doink the Clown! This next award is the prestigious Goobledegooker award which is awarded for the worst gimmick of '09. Nominees are....Jimmy Wang Yang, Kung Fu Naki, Santino Marella, Tony Atlas and Errrrrrrrricccccccccccccc Essssssssssscoooooooooobaaaaaaarrrr. The envelope, yes, thank you...and the winner is....Tony Atlas.
There you have it, the worst gimmick of '09. The next award we have is for the best new superstar of '09. To be eligible for this award, this wrestler must have debuted in the WWE at any time after January 1, 2009. And the nominees are..., Trent Baretta, Caylen Croft, Dolph Ziggler, the current WWE champion, Sheamus, and the current IC champion, Drew McIntyre. The winner is....Drew McIntyre.
Congratulations, Mr. McIntyre! But shouldn't we spare a thought for the rest of the people who aren't wrestlers? That's why we created the best non-wrestler award. Managers and valets are eligible, however, if they don't also wrestle. So, on to the nominees...Vickie Guerrero, Matt Striker for his commentary, some of you might disagree about this, but Abraham Washington for his show, Lillian Garcia and of course, Jesse Ventura for hosting the very successful Raw episode. And the winner is....Matt Striker!
Congratulations to Striker for their involvement in the WWE. The following award is for the finisher of the year. The nominees are...Randy Orton's RKO, CM Punk's GTS, Evan Bourne's Air Bourne, Shelton Benjamin's Paydirt and Chris Jericho's Walls of Jericho. And the winner...Actually, we have a tie... The winnERS are Even Bourne's Shooting Star Press and Chris Jericho's Walls of Jericho.
Congrats to Chris and Evan. Let’s only hope they can put Cena away with them. The next award is, yes, you've guessed it, the FU award! Since, it'll be very unfair to the other nominees, we've excluded the ultimate champion of this award, the FU/attitude adjustment/whatever other lame name Cena put for it.
On to the nominees, Batista's Batista Bomb, Finlay's Celtic Cross, Hornsowggle's Tadpole Splash, Goldust's Golden Age and of course, John Cena's STF! And the winner is....STF!
Well, wasn't that even more predictable than the WWE? Anyways, we've been missing some female activity, so, here are the nominees for the worst diva of '09...Jillian Hall, Brie Bella, Nikki Bella, Kelly Kelly and the WWE slammy winner for best diva, Maria! Gimme the envelope please....and the winner is....Maria!
to think she spent most of the last 3 months nowhere to be seen and still won the Best Diva Slammy.
However, this award is for the best WWE diva of '09. Nominees are Beth Phoenix, Gail Kim, Natalya, Maryse and Melina. The winner is...Beth Phoenix.
Congratulations to Beth for her win in the best diva of '09. Let’s celebrate back at my hotel room after the show *wink*. This award is for the worst tag team of '09. The nominees are...MVP and Mark Henry, DX, The Bellas, Cryme Tyme and Jesse and Festus. The winner is.....Cryme Tyme.
Unlike the nominees and winners of the last category, these next group of tag teams are bettering the WWE's lousy tag team division. This award is for the best tag team of '09. So, on to the nominees...Hart Dynasty, Legacy, Edge and Jericho, Jerishow and Miz and Morrison. The winner is...Hart Dynasty!
Well folks, that was the Hart Dynasty, the best tag team of '09. Ladies and gentlemen, for better or worse, we have four more awards left. The next one is for the worst match of '09. And the nominees are...John Cena vs. Randy Orton at Bragging Rights, Cena vs. HBK vs. Triple H at Survivor Series, CM Punk vs. Undertaker at Hell in a Cell, DX vs. Jerishow at TLC and Hart Dynasty vs. DX on the 12/25/09 edition of SD. Pass on the envelope please, yes, and the winner is...Cena vs. Orton at Bragging Rights.
*Yawn*...These next matches, are completely unlike the last ones and are the most entertaining and blood-pumping ones. This is the best match of 2009. The nominees are...CM Punk vs. Jeff Hardy at Summerslam, the Royal Rumble match at Royal Rumble, Shawn Micheals vs. Undertaker at Wrestlemania 25, Sheamus vs. John Cena at TLC and Sheamus vs. Cena on the 12/28/09 edition of Raw. And the best match of 2009 is....Sheamus vs. Cena at TLC!
Yeah yeah, I know that wasn't the most blood-pumping match of '09(That would go to Punk vs. Hardy), but Cena going through a table=automatic win. Congratulations to the participants who were involved in the best match of 2009, except for Cena. Up next, we have the Cena award, which is awarded for the worst wrestler of the year. Like the FU award, the ultimate champion, John Cena, is excluded in this award. The nominees are...Slam Master J, Batista(He was an irritating face for the majority of the year), Hornswoggle, The Great Khali and Triple H. And the winner is...Hornswoggle.
Well folks, there you have it, the worst wrestler of 2009, excluding John Cena of course. Now ladies and gentlemen, the moment you've been waiting for, the best wrestler of 2009. The nominees for this award are...Chris Jericho, CM Punk, The Miz, The Undertaker and Randy Orton. The winner is...the Miz!
Congratulations to The Miz! He's just that awesome, folks. However, before me and Nic go off, we still have one more award, the ACA-CT writer of the year. The nominees...Nic Steenburg and Vafa Behnam. And the winner is...Nic Steenburg! Wait a second, Vafa Behnam is challenging Nic to a...*gasp*...bouncy castle match. After a brutal match, Vafa Behnam gets revenge on Nic and becomes the unofficial ACA-CT writer of the year! Revenge is bitter eh? LOL.
Woah, hold on. Nic pulls out a contract stipulating that there can only be one bouncy castle match a year. Seeing as TVFR was lost to the ACA-CT in one in October , there can’t be another one. The results are now nullified.
However, Nic offers a new challenge. If Vafa can beat Nic in a “name that odour” match, he will be the official writer of the year.
After a heinously rank match, Nic wins after correctly identifying the smell of blue cheese being cut by a methane powered chainsaw. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU NIC! I'll get you next time.
So, I hope you all had a good time reading this. On the behalf of the ACA-CT, happy New Year!
Thanks for reading,
Nic and Vafa
This award is for the best entrance music of the year. Nominees are... Motorhead for "The Game" which is used by Triple H, Killswitch Engage for "This Fire Burns" the entrance theme for CM Punk, Adelitas Way for "It's A New Day"(Wow, it rhymes!) which is used by both Ted DiBiase and Cody Rhodes, Mutiny Within and Jim Johnston for "Born To Win" which is used by Evan Bourne and the Stonefree Experience for "Ain't No Make Believe" which John Morrison uses. And the winner is........Adelita's Way for "It's A New Day"!
Well, congratulations to Adelita's Way for their win. The next award is for the worst storyline of 2009. Not really something you want to win. Nominees are...Chavo vs. Hornswoggle, Teddy Long being on probation, Brett DiBiase going nowhere, Santino vs. Hornswoggle, Gimmick PPV's and Miz vs. Cena. The winner for this is....Gimmick PPV's.
Well, there you have it, the worst storyline of '09. Let this be a lesson to Vince for 2010. The next award is the counterpart of the last award, yes, it's the best storyline of '09. The nominees for this award are Batista turning heel, Jerishow forming, Legacy forming, Punk vs. Hardy and Triple H pedigreeing Hornswoggle. The envelope please....Punk vs. Hardy.
Well, the best storyline of '09. Congratulations to everybody involved. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the special guest who'll award the next prize...Doink the Clown! This next award is the prestigious Goobledegooker award which is awarded for the worst gimmick of '09. Nominees are....Jimmy Wang Yang, Kung Fu Naki, Santino Marella, Tony Atlas and Errrrrrrrricccccccccccccc Essssssssssscoooooooooobaaaaaaarrrr. The envelope, yes, thank you...and the winner is....Tony Atlas.
There you have it, the worst gimmick of '09. The next award we have is for the best new superstar of '09. To be eligible for this award, this wrestler must have debuted in the WWE at any time after January 1, 2009. And the nominees are..., Trent Baretta, Caylen Croft, Dolph Ziggler, the current WWE champion, Sheamus, and the current IC champion, Drew McIntyre. The winner is....Drew McIntyre.
Congratulations, Mr. McIntyre! But shouldn't we spare a thought for the rest of the people who aren't wrestlers? That's why we created the best non-wrestler award. Managers and valets are eligible, however, if they don't also wrestle. So, on to the nominees...Vickie Guerrero, Matt Striker for his commentary, some of you might disagree about this, but Abraham Washington for his show, Lillian Garcia and of course, Jesse Ventura for hosting the very successful Raw episode. And the winner is....Matt Striker!
Congratulations to Striker for their involvement in the WWE. The following award is for the finisher of the year. The nominees are...Randy Orton's RKO, CM Punk's GTS, Evan Bourne's Air Bourne, Shelton Benjamin's Paydirt and Chris Jericho's Walls of Jericho. And the winner...Actually, we have a tie... The winnERS are Even Bourne's Shooting Star Press and Chris Jericho's Walls of Jericho.
Congrats to Chris and Evan. Let’s only hope they can put Cena away with them. The next award is, yes, you've guessed it, the FU award! Since, it'll be very unfair to the other nominees, we've excluded the ultimate champion of this award, the FU/attitude adjustment/whatever other lame name Cena put for it.
On to the nominees, Batista's Batista Bomb, Finlay's Celtic Cross, Hornsowggle's Tadpole Splash, Goldust's Golden Age and of course, John Cena's STF! And the winner is....STF!
Well, wasn't that even more predictable than the WWE? Anyways, we've been missing some female activity, so, here are the nominees for the worst diva of '09...Jillian Hall, Brie Bella, Nikki Bella, Kelly Kelly and the WWE slammy winner for best diva, Maria! Gimme the envelope please....and the winner is....Maria!
to think she spent most of the last 3 months nowhere to be seen and still won the Best Diva Slammy.
However, this award is for the best WWE diva of '09. Nominees are Beth Phoenix, Gail Kim, Natalya, Maryse and Melina. The winner is...Beth Phoenix.
Congratulations to Beth for her win in the best diva of '09. Let’s celebrate back at my hotel room after the show *wink*. This award is for the worst tag team of '09. The nominees are...MVP and Mark Henry, DX, The Bellas, Cryme Tyme and Jesse and Festus. The winner is.....Cryme Tyme.
Unlike the nominees and winners of the last category, these next group of tag teams are bettering the WWE's lousy tag team division. This award is for the best tag team of '09. So, on to the nominees...Hart Dynasty, Legacy, Edge and Jericho, Jerishow and Miz and Morrison. The winner is...Hart Dynasty!
Well folks, that was the Hart Dynasty, the best tag team of '09. Ladies and gentlemen, for better or worse, we have four more awards left. The next one is for the worst match of '09. And the nominees are...John Cena vs. Randy Orton at Bragging Rights, Cena vs. HBK vs. Triple H at Survivor Series, CM Punk vs. Undertaker at Hell in a Cell, DX vs. Jerishow at TLC and Hart Dynasty vs. DX on the 12/25/09 edition of SD. Pass on the envelope please, yes, and the winner is...Cena vs. Orton at Bragging Rights.
*Yawn*...These next matches, are completely unlike the last ones and are the most entertaining and blood-pumping ones. This is the best match of 2009. The nominees are...CM Punk vs. Jeff Hardy at Summerslam, the Royal Rumble match at Royal Rumble, Shawn Micheals vs. Undertaker at Wrestlemania 25, Sheamus vs. John Cena at TLC and Sheamus vs. Cena on the 12/28/09 edition of Raw. And the best match of 2009 is....Sheamus vs. Cena at TLC!
Yeah yeah, I know that wasn't the most blood-pumping match of '09(That would go to Punk vs. Hardy), but Cena going through a table=automatic win. Congratulations to the participants who were involved in the best match of 2009, except for Cena. Up next, we have the Cena award, which is awarded for the worst wrestler of the year. Like the FU award, the ultimate champion, John Cena, is excluded in this award. The nominees are...Slam Master J, Batista(He was an irritating face for the majority of the year), Hornswoggle, The Great Khali and Triple H. And the winner is...Hornswoggle.
Well folks, there you have it, the worst wrestler of 2009, excluding John Cena of course. Now ladies and gentlemen, the moment you've been waiting for, the best wrestler of 2009. The nominees for this award are...Chris Jericho, CM Punk, The Miz, The Undertaker and Randy Orton. The winner is...the Miz!
Congratulations to The Miz! He's just that awesome, folks. However, before me and Nic go off, we still have one more award, the ACA-CT writer of the year. The nominees...Nic Steenburg and Vafa Behnam. And the winner is...Nic Steenburg! Wait a second, Vafa Behnam is challenging Nic to a...*gasp*...bouncy castle match. After a brutal match, Vafa Behnam gets revenge on Nic and becomes the unofficial ACA-CT writer of the year! Revenge is bitter eh? LOL.
Woah, hold on. Nic pulls out a contract stipulating that there can only be one bouncy castle match a year. Seeing as TVFR was lost to the ACA-CT in one in October , there can’t be another one. The results are now nullified.
However, Nic offers a new challenge. If Vafa can beat Nic in a “name that odour” match, he will be the official writer of the year.
After a heinously rank match, Nic wins after correctly identifying the smell of blue cheese being cut by a methane powered chainsaw. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU NIC! I'll get you next time.
So, I hope you all had a good time reading this. On the behalf of the ACA-CT, happy New Year!
Thanks for reading,
Nic and Vafa
December 20, 2009
Single branded PPVs the answer?
First things first, I'll define what a single branded PPV is to those who are unfamiliar with the term. Single branded PPVs are PPVs which are exclusive to one, or rarely, two brands, but not all three.
WWE has used single branded PPVs before, after the brand extension in June 2003. It was discontinued in March 2007, because single-branded PPVs had already engaged in inter-branded matches and the WWE thought that PPVs weren't entertaining enough.
Here's the list of single branded PPVs before it was discontinued:
New Year's Revolution/Bad Blood(NYR replaced Bad Blood from 2005-2007) Raw 2004–2007
Backlash Raw 2004–2006
Vengeance Smackdown! 2003 Raw 2004–2006
Unforgiven Raw 2003–2006
Cyber Sunday Raw 2004–2006
Armageddon Raw 2003 SmackDown! 2004–2006
No Way Out SmackDown! 2004–2007
Judgment Day SmackDown! 2004–2006
The Great American Bash SmackDown! 2004–2006
No Mercy SmackDown! 2003–2006
December to Dismember ECW 2006
Well, firstly, why should the WWE make single-branded PPVs? Two reasons.
1) This would give other superstars a chance to shine on a Pay Per View.
2) This would raise credibility for the big four.
I'll do one further, and actually list the PPVs, and which brand they're exclusive to. The big four will obviously be tri-branded, and I could just distribute the other PPVs to the brands. However, there is one problem. Bragging Rights. They created Bragging Rights as a competition to determine which brand is the best. There are two options. Lose it or make it a tri-branded PPV. If we chose the second option, we could make it switch places with The Bash, because it would be idiotic to have two tri-branded PPVs in a row when there are only five in a year. ECW will probably be dropped soon, but if not, just consider it sharing a PPV with Smackdown!
Here's the list of single-branded that would benefit the WWE:
Night of Champions Raw
Breaking Point Raw
Backlash Raw
TLC Raw
Extreme Rules Smackdown!
The Bash Smackdown!
Elimination Chamber Smackdown!
Hell in a Cell Smackdown!
Just another one of our suggestions to better the WWE. I'll be stopping here for now.
Until then,
Vafa
WWE has used single branded PPVs before, after the brand extension in June 2003. It was discontinued in March 2007, because single-branded PPVs had already engaged in inter-branded matches and the WWE thought that PPVs weren't entertaining enough.
Here's the list of single branded PPVs before it was discontinued:
New Year's Revolution/Bad Blood(NYR replaced Bad Blood from 2005-2007) Raw 2004–2007
Backlash Raw 2004–2006
Vengeance Smackdown! 2003 Raw 2004–2006
Unforgiven Raw 2003–2006
Cyber Sunday Raw 2004–2006
Armageddon Raw 2003 SmackDown! 2004–2006
No Way Out SmackDown! 2004–2007
Judgment Day SmackDown! 2004–2006
The Great American Bash SmackDown! 2004–2006
No Mercy SmackDown! 2003–2006
December to Dismember ECW 2006
Well, firstly, why should the WWE make single-branded PPVs? Two reasons.
1) This would give other superstars a chance to shine on a Pay Per View.
2) This would raise credibility for the big four.
I'll do one further, and actually list the PPVs, and which brand they're exclusive to. The big four will obviously be tri-branded, and I could just distribute the other PPVs to the brands. However, there is one problem. Bragging Rights. They created Bragging Rights as a competition to determine which brand is the best. There are two options. Lose it or make it a tri-branded PPV. If we chose the second option, we could make it switch places with The Bash, because it would be idiotic to have two tri-branded PPVs in a row when there are only five in a year. ECW will probably be dropped soon, but if not, just consider it sharing a PPV with Smackdown!
Here's the list of single-branded that would benefit the WWE:
Night of Champions Raw
Breaking Point Raw
Backlash Raw
TLC Raw
Extreme Rules Smackdown!
The Bash Smackdown!
Elimination Chamber Smackdown!
Hell in a Cell Smackdown!
Just another one of our suggestions to better the WWE. I'll be stopping here for now.
Until then,
Vafa
December 5, 2009
Face/Heel Portrayals and their Contradiction to Societal Norms
As the title may lead you to believe, this is my most in-depth post ever. I will be talking about why faces and heels get cheered and booed for their actions, how WWE sets up situations for said reactions, and talk about societal norms and how they are contradicted by actions of superstars.
To start, let's look at the terminology. A "face" is the good guy. He is the hero of the fans, and is usually good looking. He is also the company's cash cow in most cases. A "heel" is the bad guy. He is despised by the fans, and want to see him get destroyed by the face.
On to the question at hand: Why do faces get cheered for their actions, and why do heels get booed? The simple answer is because the WWE makes us want to like the faces, and hate the heels. We show our love of, or disgust for, wrestlers with these reactions. This is where things start to get complicated. Why do we cheer a face when he destroys someone's car, in an act that would land anyone else in jail? Why do we boo heels when they walk away from a fight like the bigger man?
The answer to this is because once it is instilled in us that a man is a face, we will follow him religiously and think anything he does is cool. The reverse is true with heels. We despise everything they do because he's bad, and anything he does can't be good.
Faces also tell the fans what they want to hear, no matter how outrageous it may be, fans buy into it. Heels state the often ugly truth about either the fans themselves, other wrestlers, or wrestling in general, or other popular topics. We don't want to face reality, no matter how much we know it to be true.
For example, John Cena will rant and rave about how good he is, and how he's going to win and yadda yadda and so on. He'll then spout a catchphrase or two, and toss some piece of merchandise into the crowd. The fans love it, because they're told to.
CM Punk reaches a life of not drinking, smoking or doing drugs. Outside the ring, he would be a perfect role model. But in the ring, the fans loathe him. This goes back to WWE making us want to hate him, even though he has a good message.
In short, we will cheer for lies and boo the truth. We follow along like sheep with whatever the WWE happens to puke onto our screens 4 days a week.
I mentioned that WWE creates these situations, and they damn well do. Think about it: a face confronts a heel, BEGGING the heel to punch him. If the heel does what the face asked him to, he'd get booed for attacking a "helpless" man. Yet if he walks away like the more mature man would, he gets booed as a coward.
WWE throws the heels into these situations on purpose, because no matter what the heel does, the desired effect is achieved. At the end of the night, the heel gets booed and the face gets cheered. That's all WWE cares about. They manipulate their fans like puppets on a string, and the fans don't realize it.
The more intelligent of the fans will look past the face or heel label and see that a wrestler is good or bad based on other factors, such as how believable is their portrayal of a face or heel, or how well they do in matches (and I don't mean winning. Wrestling is scripted, even 8 year olds know that. Okay, the 8 year olds that aren't Cena fans. Okay, maybe 8 year olds don't know. But smart people do).
Societal norms teach us that destroying another man's car is wrong. They teach us that there are consequences for our actions. They also teach us that life is not fair, and whining and complaining won't change that. Yet why is it that fans cheered Kofi Kingston when he destroyed Randy Orton's brand new Car?
The fact is, some of us secretly have a desire to smash the belongings of assholes in our lives. Yet we can't do it without serious repercussions, or we are too damn pussy to do it. So when we see someone acting it out on TV, we cheer them on because we know that they are living out our fantasies.
When people booed CM Punk because he held an intervention on Smackdown, it was because they all knew he was right. It was a truth that the fans did not want to face. They didn't want their vices exposed on national television by someone like Punk.
We get told that someone is good or bad, then we look for reasons to prove it one way or the other. Even though we're shown something that is normally bad, we'll say it's good because it was done by someone we like, and vice versa for bad guys.
This obviously has it's limitations, but it's proven 4 nights a week by WWE that it holds true for the most part.
Feel free to send me your thoughts on the issue. Shoot an email to ACA-CT@hotmail.com and we'll be sure to post your opinions.
Peace out,
Nic
To start, let's look at the terminology. A "face" is the good guy. He is the hero of the fans, and is usually good looking. He is also the company's cash cow in most cases. A "heel" is the bad guy. He is despised by the fans, and want to see him get destroyed by the face.
On to the question at hand: Why do faces get cheered for their actions, and why do heels get booed? The simple answer is because the WWE makes us want to like the faces, and hate the heels. We show our love of, or disgust for, wrestlers with these reactions. This is where things start to get complicated. Why do we cheer a face when he destroys someone's car, in an act that would land anyone else in jail? Why do we boo heels when they walk away from a fight like the bigger man?
The answer to this is because once it is instilled in us that a man is a face, we will follow him religiously and think anything he does is cool. The reverse is true with heels. We despise everything they do because he's bad, and anything he does can't be good.
Faces also tell the fans what they want to hear, no matter how outrageous it may be, fans buy into it. Heels state the often ugly truth about either the fans themselves, other wrestlers, or wrestling in general, or other popular topics. We don't want to face reality, no matter how much we know it to be true.
For example, John Cena will rant and rave about how good he is, and how he's going to win and yadda yadda and so on. He'll then spout a catchphrase or two, and toss some piece of merchandise into the crowd. The fans love it, because they're told to.
CM Punk reaches a life of not drinking, smoking or doing drugs. Outside the ring, he would be a perfect role model. But in the ring, the fans loathe him. This goes back to WWE making us want to hate him, even though he has a good message.
In short, we will cheer for lies and boo the truth. We follow along like sheep with whatever the WWE happens to puke onto our screens 4 days a week.
I mentioned that WWE creates these situations, and they damn well do. Think about it: a face confronts a heel, BEGGING the heel to punch him. If the heel does what the face asked him to, he'd get booed for attacking a "helpless" man. Yet if he walks away like the more mature man would, he gets booed as a coward.
WWE throws the heels into these situations on purpose, because no matter what the heel does, the desired effect is achieved. At the end of the night, the heel gets booed and the face gets cheered. That's all WWE cares about. They manipulate their fans like puppets on a string, and the fans don't realize it.
The more intelligent of the fans will look past the face or heel label and see that a wrestler is good or bad based on other factors, such as how believable is their portrayal of a face or heel, or how well they do in matches (and I don't mean winning. Wrestling is scripted, even 8 year olds know that. Okay, the 8 year olds that aren't Cena fans. Okay, maybe 8 year olds don't know. But smart people do).
Societal norms teach us that destroying another man's car is wrong. They teach us that there are consequences for our actions. They also teach us that life is not fair, and whining and complaining won't change that. Yet why is it that fans cheered Kofi Kingston when he destroyed Randy Orton's brand new Car?
The fact is, some of us secretly have a desire to smash the belongings of assholes in our lives. Yet we can't do it without serious repercussions, or we are too damn pussy to do it. So when we see someone acting it out on TV, we cheer them on because we know that they are living out our fantasies.
When people booed CM Punk because he held an intervention on Smackdown, it was because they all knew he was right. It was a truth that the fans did not want to face. They didn't want their vices exposed on national television by someone like Punk.
We get told that someone is good or bad, then we look for reasons to prove it one way or the other. Even though we're shown something that is normally bad, we'll say it's good because it was done by someone we like, and vice versa for bad guys.
This obviously has it's limitations, but it's proven 4 nights a week by WWE that it holds true for the most part.
Feel free to send me your thoughts on the issue. Shoot an email to ACA-CT@hotmail.com and we'll be sure to post your opinions.
Peace out,
Nic
December 3, 2009
The John Cena Mail Bag
Since Cena is busy assfucking young boys, I'll answer his mail for him.
"you can't see me...
but i can see you..."
-- Thank god.
"hi cena is the best!
Yu cant see me?"
-- We don't want to see you, you ugly moron. And if Cena is half as illiterate as you are, then no amount of wrestling skills will make him even remotely worthwhile.
"Never give up"
-- Yes, Cena, never give up. If you keep the faith, people might actually come to believe that you're not just a drooling pervert who goes into the wrestling ring as an excuse to touch people's bottoms.
"The champ is here"
-- Ah, so you dethroned Cena as the champ? I must warn you though, Cena's self-application of the epithet "champ" started off in childhood when he replaced the family dog in displaying a remarkable ability to return unwanted objects that his parents threw away. If you ever have the misfortune of being stuck in a wrestling ring with him, expect him to slobber all over you and fetch you sticks and bones.
"CENA KILL SHEAMUSS"
-- Cena is sort of like Tor Johnson, but far less intelligent and loveable.
"U r d real champ"
-- Calling Cena the champ is perfectly acceptable, as long as we accept that the sport of which he is champion is arse grabbing and not wrestling.
"ur time is up my time is now u can t see me sheamus prepare urself for an attitude adjustment on some tables ur nothin u won the battle royal by sitting in the corner and let the real men finish each other i swear if stayed with randy he would make u cry"
-- Ah, this statement is ridiculed with examples of repressed homosexuality. As most people familiar with Cena will know, the "wrestler" was rejected from the gay community due to his unintelligence and bad dress sense. He now proposes to sodomise his opponent on a table like a "real man" because he's feeling "Randy". Quite disturbing, but not really intimidating in any real sense.
"Sheamus the job will be finished.John Cena will win the match.Spades last eleven days left."
-- Our protagonist once again makes sexual advances on his opponent. He proposes to win the match by "finishing the job", and considering how much practice Cena's mouth muscles have had giving blowjobs to other wrestlers, he may very well put his money (for money read someone else's dick) where his mouth is.
"cena rocks"
-- Cena thinks he rocks, but when it comes to wrestling, he generally rolls.
"thanks be to cnfrimd.."
-- I'd make a witty remark on what the cetard has said here, but his inability to use the English language has probably prevented him from really saying anything.
"cena u r one off my favourite wrestlers i watched ur john cena my life dvd the other day and just like u i hope 1 day i can become a future wwe champion i am only 13 years old but wen u were young u started lifting weights and thts how ur career started so i hope 1 day i can live the life uv lived u used 2 play for an ...american football team im from glasgow in scotland but i now live in co.tyrone in northen ireland but no matter were i live i hope u destroy sheamus at TLC u r the champ and your still going 2 b after TLC put Sheamus throw a table and keep ur WWE championship no matter wat carlito said on raw ur wwe fans will follow u throw and throw"
-- Ah, the "My life" DVD. Of course it was riddled with omissions. It left out some of Cena's most interesting experiences, most of which involved molesting livestock and being beaten up by toddlers.
"thank you for giving of your time for sick children."
-- He probably made them considerably sicker. I know that I can't see him without feeling slightly nauseous.
"i think your the hottest wrestler ever... i even married my husband john spence of indianapolis in because he looks like your double in the face and body... wish you could see him you could be twins:) thanks for always putting a smile on my face chelee spence"
-- Poor Mr Spence is also Cena's penis double, and has to buy his condoms at a store for Japanese midgets.
"come on cena fu sheamus in a table"
-- To the best of my previous knowledge, "fu" was not a verb. But if the idiot who posted that means "fuck up", then I expect that Cena will attempt to fuck Sheamus up, down and sideways. He may find it difficult though, since his only sexual experiences are with barnyard animals.
"i love u cenaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"
-- If the person who posted this note of affection was a small rodent with a bushy tail, then this love might be mutual and reach some kind of sexual consumnation.
"I LOVE YOU CENA.... THE BEST
(:"
-- The best what? I didn't realise that being phallically impaired, sexually perverted in favour of sleeping with chickens, hideously ugly and dumber than a bag of hammers could set a man above his peers.
"you are a good actor too cena, whats your next movie?"
-- Yes, he's a marvellous actor! He can even pretend to be a wrestler!
Well, hope you had a laugh. I'll be signing off for now.
Until then,
Vafa
"you can't see me...
but i can see you..."
-- Thank god.
"hi cena is the best!
Yu cant see me?"
-- We don't want to see you, you ugly moron. And if Cena is half as illiterate as you are, then no amount of wrestling skills will make him even remotely worthwhile.
"Never give up"
-- Yes, Cena, never give up. If you keep the faith, people might actually come to believe that you're not just a drooling pervert who goes into the wrestling ring as an excuse to touch people's bottoms.
"The champ is here"
-- Ah, so you dethroned Cena as the champ? I must warn you though, Cena's self-application of the epithet "champ" started off in childhood when he replaced the family dog in displaying a remarkable ability to return unwanted objects that his parents threw away. If you ever have the misfortune of being stuck in a wrestling ring with him, expect him to slobber all over you and fetch you sticks and bones.
"CENA KILL SHEAMUSS"
-- Cena is sort of like Tor Johnson, but far less intelligent and loveable.
"U r d real champ"
-- Calling Cena the champ is perfectly acceptable, as long as we accept that the sport of which he is champion is arse grabbing and not wrestling.
"ur time is up my time is now u can t see me sheamus prepare urself for an attitude adjustment on some tables ur nothin u won the battle royal by sitting in the corner and let the real men finish each other i swear if stayed with randy he would make u cry"
-- Ah, this statement is ridiculed with examples of repressed homosexuality. As most people familiar with Cena will know, the "wrestler" was rejected from the gay community due to his unintelligence and bad dress sense. He now proposes to sodomise his opponent on a table like a "real man" because he's feeling "Randy". Quite disturbing, but not really intimidating in any real sense.
"Sheamus the job will be finished.John Cena will win the match.Spades last eleven days left."
-- Our protagonist once again makes sexual advances on his opponent. He proposes to win the match by "finishing the job", and considering how much practice Cena's mouth muscles have had giving blowjobs to other wrestlers, he may very well put his money (for money read someone else's dick) where his mouth is.
"cena rocks"
-- Cena thinks he rocks, but when it comes to wrestling, he generally rolls.
"thanks be to cnfrimd.."
-- I'd make a witty remark on what the cetard has said here, but his inability to use the English language has probably prevented him from really saying anything.
"cena u r one off my favourite wrestlers i watched ur john cena my life dvd the other day and just like u i hope 1 day i can become a future wwe champion i am only 13 years old but wen u were young u started lifting weights and thts how ur career started so i hope 1 day i can live the life uv lived u used 2 play for an ...american football team im from glasgow in scotland but i now live in co.tyrone in northen ireland but no matter were i live i hope u destroy sheamus at TLC u r the champ and your still going 2 b after TLC put Sheamus throw a table and keep ur WWE championship no matter wat carlito said on raw ur wwe fans will follow u throw and throw"
-- Ah, the "My life" DVD. Of course it was riddled with omissions. It left out some of Cena's most interesting experiences, most of which involved molesting livestock and being beaten up by toddlers.
"thank you for giving of your time for sick children."
-- He probably made them considerably sicker. I know that I can't see him without feeling slightly nauseous.
"i think your the hottest wrestler ever... i even married my husband john spence of indianapolis in because he looks like your double in the face and body... wish you could see him you could be twins:) thanks for always putting a smile on my face chelee spence"
-- Poor Mr Spence is also Cena's penis double, and has to buy his condoms at a store for Japanese midgets.
"come on cena fu sheamus in a table"
-- To the best of my previous knowledge, "fu" was not a verb. But if the idiot who posted that means "fuck up", then I expect that Cena will attempt to fuck Sheamus up, down and sideways. He may find it difficult though, since his only sexual experiences are with barnyard animals.
"i love u cenaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"
-- If the person who posted this note of affection was a small rodent with a bushy tail, then this love might be mutual and reach some kind of sexual consumnation.
"I LOVE YOU CENA.... THE BEST
(:"
-- The best what? I didn't realise that being phallically impaired, sexually perverted in favour of sleeping with chickens, hideously ugly and dumber than a bag of hammers could set a man above his peers.
"you are a good actor too cena, whats your next movie?"
-- Yes, he's a marvellous actor! He can even pretend to be a wrestler!
Well, hope you had a laugh. I'll be signing off for now.
Until then,
Vafa
One Night Only Specials -- Cena's Second Greatest Test
Well guys, I've decided to continue the legacy of the One Night Only edition of which we saw our favorite superstar taking on a paper bag in a very technical matchup, which the paper bag just nicked out the win. Who am I kidding? John Cena can't wrestle for shit. If you want to see that match, you can see it here.
Before I go on with the match, I'll introduce you to John Cena's opponent, the ferocious, the angry, the Grizzly Bear. Thanks to wikipedia, I got some information on the Grizzly Bear. Weighing in at 500 pounds, he hails from Ontario, Canada. The Grizzly Bear has had only one tenure in wrestling, he was in UFC under the name of "Carlos Newton".
Yes, John Cena will face a Grizzly Bear. What's better than to watch Cena get demolished by an angry grizzly bear?
The Grizzly Bear's music hits, and he enters the match with everybody who is literate, can walk and around the age of 14-45(With some exceptions, *Cough* ahem...) cheering. The champ then makes his entrance, welcomed by the fat horny chicks, and the spoiled five year olds who have replica spinner belts, Cena t-shirts, action figures and tons of other Cena merchandise that has kept him in his job. Cena takes his shirt off, and throws it to the smart marks section, which is burned/used as an alternative to tissue. As soon as Vinnie Mac finds out about this, the camera men are ordered to cut off that scene, and instead, film Cena throwing another shirt, this time into the other section, where we see the fat horny chicks wrestling five year olds for the shirt.
The bell rings, and the match starts. The Grizzly Bear starts the offensive(as always) and completely destroys Cena. This continues for twenty more minutes. The Grizzly Bear goes for his finisher, the Mauler(powerbomb). As Cena is in the air, he ducks behind the Grizzly Bear, and clotheslines him, sending the Grizzly Bear to the ground. Cena goes on the top rope, and attempts to hit the legdrop. However, the Grizzly Bear quickly wakes up, and delivers a superplex to Cena. The Grizzly Bear goes for the pin...1....2....Cena, who looked like he had died seconds ago, just wakes up on the last second(Seriously, SELL your injuries).
The Grizzly Bear goes for a couple of body blows, but Cena reverses it into the "superman clothesline" that sends them to the outside and bringing attention to the horny chicks and five year olds who all stand up and cheer. The Grizzly Bear gets into the ring before Cena and starts taunting. Cena, who looks like as if he got shot, crawls his way into the ring at the count of 8. The Grizzly Bear, on the turnbuckle, is about to deliver a body splash on Cena. The Grizzly Bear hits it, but Cena ducks out of the way. Cena now in feverish fever, runs and delivers a clothesline on the Grizzly Bear. He goes on the turnbuckle and hits the legdrop. He then does that five-knuckle shuffle move. He goes for the STF and hits it. However, the Grizzly Bear manages to reverse the move. The Grizzly Bear hits Cena with a couple of hard punches. He goes for the Mauler and gets it. Cena, yet again attempts to look like he's knocked out, breaks the pin at 2.
Cena wakes up, does his "three moves of doom" and goes for the FU. He lifts him up as if the bear is a five-hundred ton warship and delivers the FU. The Bear, however, does not follow the script that Vinnie Mac gave to him earlier, and kicks out of the pin. The Bear then gets real frustrated and decides to cut the crap. He starts attacking Cena and completely destroys him. The high point is when Cena starts bleeding and the horny chicks and five year olds start crying. This angers Vinnie Mac and tells the officials to find out a way to stop the match or else their merch sales would take a hit. Their first solution is, to get interference on behalf of the bear. Enter Hornswoggle, who comes out of the his home, the ring, and attacks Cena. Hornswoggle delivers a punch with his pea sized hands, and Cena pretends as if a cannon shot him. The ref calls for the bell and Cena is declared the winner.
This just proves that Cena doesn't know how to wrestle and relies on scripts to win. Seriously, as Nic said, GTFO(Note to self: Future Cena finisher name) of wrestling.
Vafa
Before I go on with the match, I'll introduce you to John Cena's opponent, the ferocious, the angry, the Grizzly Bear. Thanks to wikipedia, I got some information on the Grizzly Bear. Weighing in at 500 pounds, he hails from Ontario, Canada. The Grizzly Bear has had only one tenure in wrestling, he was in UFC under the name of "Carlos Newton".
Yes, John Cena will face a Grizzly Bear. What's better than to watch Cena get demolished by an angry grizzly bear?
The Grizzly Bear's music hits, and he enters the match with everybody who is literate, can walk and around the age of 14-45(With some exceptions, *Cough* ahem...) cheering. The champ then makes his entrance, welcomed by the fat horny chicks, and the spoiled five year olds who have replica spinner belts, Cena t-shirts, action figures and tons of other Cena merchandise that has kept him in his job. Cena takes his shirt off, and throws it to the smart marks section, which is burned/used as an alternative to tissue. As soon as Vinnie Mac finds out about this, the camera men are ordered to cut off that scene, and instead, film Cena throwing another shirt, this time into the other section, where we see the fat horny chicks wrestling five year olds for the shirt.
The bell rings, and the match starts. The Grizzly Bear starts the offensive(as always) and completely destroys Cena. This continues for twenty more minutes. The Grizzly Bear goes for his finisher, the Mauler(powerbomb). As Cena is in the air, he ducks behind the Grizzly Bear, and clotheslines him, sending the Grizzly Bear to the ground. Cena goes on the top rope, and attempts to hit the legdrop. However, the Grizzly Bear quickly wakes up, and delivers a superplex to Cena. The Grizzly Bear goes for the pin...1....2....Cena, who looked like he had died seconds ago, just wakes up on the last second(Seriously, SELL your injuries).
The Grizzly Bear goes for a couple of body blows, but Cena reverses it into the "superman clothesline" that sends them to the outside and bringing attention to the horny chicks and five year olds who all stand up and cheer. The Grizzly Bear gets into the ring before Cena and starts taunting. Cena, who looks like as if he got shot, crawls his way into the ring at the count of 8. The Grizzly Bear, on the turnbuckle, is about to deliver a body splash on Cena. The Grizzly Bear hits it, but Cena ducks out of the way. Cena now in feverish fever, runs and delivers a clothesline on the Grizzly Bear. He goes on the turnbuckle and hits the legdrop. He then does that five-knuckle shuffle move. He goes for the STF and hits it. However, the Grizzly Bear manages to reverse the move. The Grizzly Bear hits Cena with a couple of hard punches. He goes for the Mauler and gets it. Cena, yet again attempts to look like he's knocked out, breaks the pin at 2.
Cena wakes up, does his "three moves of doom" and goes for the FU. He lifts him up as if the bear is a five-hundred ton warship and delivers the FU. The Bear, however, does not follow the script that Vinnie Mac gave to him earlier, and kicks out of the pin. The Bear then gets real frustrated and decides to cut the crap. He starts attacking Cena and completely destroys him. The high point is when Cena starts bleeding and the horny chicks and five year olds start crying. This angers Vinnie Mac and tells the officials to find out a way to stop the match or else their merch sales would take a hit. Their first solution is, to get interference on behalf of the bear. Enter Hornswoggle, who comes out of the his home, the ring, and attacks Cena. Hornswoggle delivers a punch with his pea sized hands, and Cena pretends as if a cannon shot him. The ref calls for the bell and Cena is declared the winner.
This just proves that Cena doesn't know how to wrestle and relies on scripts to win. Seriously, as Nic said, GTFO(Note to self: Future Cena finisher name) of wrestling.
Vafa
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)