Welcome one and welcome all to the ACA-CT's version of the slammys and our last post of 2009! Here, we'll be talking about the best, worst and the most craziest things that have happened in the WWE. The theme song for tonight is All Secrets Known by the returning Alice in Chains from their first album in more than a decade. Now, that aside, let's kick things off with our first award...
This award is for the best entrance music of the year. Nominees are... Motorhead for "The Game" which is used by Triple H, Killswitch Engage for "This Fire Burns" the entrance theme for CM Punk, Adelitas Way for "It's A New Day"(Wow, it rhymes!) which is used by both Ted DiBiase and Cody Rhodes, Mutiny Within and Jim Johnston for "Born To Win" which is used by Evan Bourne and the Stonefree Experience for "Ain't No Make Believe" which John Morrison uses. And the winner is........Adelita's Way for "It's A New Day"!
Well, congratulations to Adelita's Way for their win. The next award is for the worst storyline of 2009. Not really something you want to win. Nominees are...Chavo vs. Hornswoggle, Teddy Long being on probation, Brett DiBiase going nowhere, Santino vs. Hornswoggle, Gimmick PPV's and Miz vs. Cena. The winner for this is....Gimmick PPV's.
Well, there you have it, the worst storyline of '09. Let this be a lesson to Vince for 2010. The next award is the counterpart of the last award, yes, it's the best storyline of '09. The nominees for this award are Batista turning heel, Jerishow forming, Legacy forming, Punk vs. Hardy and Triple H pedigreeing Hornswoggle. The envelope please....Punk vs. Hardy.
Well, the best storyline of '09. Congratulations to everybody involved. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the special guest who'll award the next prize...Doink the Clown! This next award is the prestigious Goobledegooker award which is awarded for the worst gimmick of '09. Nominees are....Jimmy Wang Yang, Kung Fu Naki, Santino Marella, Tony Atlas and Errrrrrrrricccccccccccccc Essssssssssscoooooooooobaaaaaaarrrr. The envelope, yes, thank you...and the winner is....Tony Atlas.
There you have it, the worst gimmick of '09. The next award we have is for the best new superstar of '09. To be eligible for this award, this wrestler must have debuted in the WWE at any time after January 1, 2009. And the nominees are..., Trent Baretta, Caylen Croft, Dolph Ziggler, the current WWE champion, Sheamus, and the current IC champion, Drew McIntyre. The winner is....Drew McIntyre.
Congratulations, Mr. McIntyre! But shouldn't we spare a thought for the rest of the people who aren't wrestlers? That's why we created the best non-wrestler award. Managers and valets are eligible, however, if they don't also wrestle. So, on to the nominees...Vickie Guerrero, Matt Striker for his commentary, some of you might disagree about this, but Abraham Washington for his show, Lillian Garcia and of course, Jesse Ventura for hosting the very successful Raw episode. And the winner is....Matt Striker!
Congratulations to Striker for their involvement in the WWE. The following award is for the finisher of the year. The nominees are...Randy Orton's RKO, CM Punk's GTS, Evan Bourne's Air Bourne, Shelton Benjamin's Paydirt and Chris Jericho's Walls of Jericho. And the winner...Actually, we have a tie... The winnERS are Even Bourne's Shooting Star Press and Chris Jericho's Walls of Jericho.
Congrats to Chris and Evan. Let’s only hope they can put Cena away with them. The next award is, yes, you've guessed it, the FU award! Since, it'll be very unfair to the other nominees, we've excluded the ultimate champion of this award, the FU/attitude adjustment/whatever other lame name Cena put for it.
On to the nominees, Batista's Batista Bomb, Finlay's Celtic Cross, Hornsowggle's Tadpole Splash, Goldust's Golden Age and of course, John Cena's STF! And the winner is....STF!
Well, wasn't that even more predictable than the WWE? Anyways, we've been missing some female activity, so, here are the nominees for the worst diva of '09...Jillian Hall, Brie Bella, Nikki Bella, Kelly Kelly and the WWE slammy winner for best diva, Maria! Gimme the envelope please....and the winner is....Maria!
to think she spent most of the last 3 months nowhere to be seen and still won the Best Diva Slammy.
However, this award is for the best WWE diva of '09. Nominees are Beth Phoenix, Gail Kim, Natalya, Maryse and Melina. The winner is...Beth Phoenix.
Congratulations to Beth for her win in the best diva of '09. Let’s celebrate back at my hotel room after the show *wink*. This award is for the worst tag team of '09. The nominees are...MVP and Mark Henry, DX, The Bellas, Cryme Tyme and Jesse and Festus. The winner is.....Cryme Tyme.
Unlike the nominees and winners of the last category, these next group of tag teams are bettering the WWE's lousy tag team division. This award is for the best tag team of '09. So, on to the nominees...Hart Dynasty, Legacy, Edge and Jericho, Jerishow and Miz and Morrison. The winner is...Hart Dynasty!
Well folks, that was the Hart Dynasty, the best tag team of '09. Ladies and gentlemen, for better or worse, we have four more awards left. The next one is for the worst match of '09. And the nominees are...John Cena vs. Randy Orton at Bragging Rights, Cena vs. HBK vs. Triple H at Survivor Series, CM Punk vs. Undertaker at Hell in a Cell, DX vs. Jerishow at TLC and Hart Dynasty vs. DX on the 12/25/09 edition of SD. Pass on the envelope please, yes, and the winner is...Cena vs. Orton at Bragging Rights.
*Yawn*...These next matches, are completely unlike the last ones and are the most entertaining and blood-pumping ones. This is the best match of 2009. The nominees are...CM Punk vs. Jeff Hardy at Summerslam, the Royal Rumble match at Royal Rumble, Shawn Micheals vs. Undertaker at Wrestlemania 25, Sheamus vs. John Cena at TLC and Sheamus vs. Cena on the 12/28/09 edition of Raw. And the best match of 2009 is....Sheamus vs. Cena at TLC!
Yeah yeah, I know that wasn't the most blood-pumping match of '09(That would go to Punk vs. Hardy), but Cena going through a table=automatic win. Congratulations to the participants who were involved in the best match of 2009, except for Cena. Up next, we have the Cena award, which is awarded for the worst wrestler of the year. Like the FU award, the ultimate champion, John Cena, is excluded in this award. The nominees are...Slam Master J, Batista(He was an irritating face for the majority of the year), Hornswoggle, The Great Khali and Triple H. And the winner is...Hornswoggle.
Well folks, there you have it, the worst wrestler of 2009, excluding John Cena of course. Now ladies and gentlemen, the moment you've been waiting for, the best wrestler of 2009. The nominees for this award are...Chris Jericho, CM Punk, The Miz, The Undertaker and Randy Orton. The winner is...the Miz!
Congratulations to The Miz! He's just that awesome, folks. However, before me and Nic go off, we still have one more award, the ACA-CT writer of the year. The nominees...Nic Steenburg and Vafa Behnam. And the winner is...Nic Steenburg! Wait a second, Vafa Behnam is challenging Nic to a...*gasp*...bouncy castle match. After a brutal match, Vafa Behnam gets revenge on Nic and becomes the unofficial ACA-CT writer of the year! Revenge is bitter eh? LOL.
Woah, hold on. Nic pulls out a contract stipulating that there can only be one bouncy castle match a year. Seeing as TVFR was lost to the ACA-CT in one in October , there can’t be another one. The results are now nullified.
However, Nic offers a new challenge. If Vafa can beat Nic in a “name that odour” match, he will be the official writer of the year.
After a heinously rank match, Nic wins after correctly identifying the smell of blue cheese being cut by a methane powered chainsaw. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU NIC! I'll get you next time.
So, I hope you all had a good time reading this. On the behalf of the ACA-CT, happy New Year!
Thanks for reading,
Nic and Vafa
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