November 4, 2010

WWE NXT Review: Nov 2/10

It's elimination week here on NXT and I for one can't wait. You think I'd be upset to see a supposedly hot woman leave, but let's face it, AJ is the only looker in the group that isn't 90% plastic. Kaitlyn is a close second, and yes I recognize that she's got fake funbags.

We open the show with a vignette on tonight's wedding between Goldust and Aksana.

Striker calls the girls to the ring for the first challenge. Aksana is excused because she needs to prepare for her wedding. Aksana should be thanking her lucky stars she got out of this kissing contest. 3 guesses who the judge is. That's right, Hornswoggle. Dammit why didn't WWE call me? I left them my email address.

Maxine of course says she's not going to kiss Horny. She claims that they picked Hornswoggle just to mess with her. She shows Hornswoggle the door.

Cody Rhodes now interrupts and volunteers himself as the new judge. There's some "kissing" (aka bad porno) music playing as Cody starts playing tonsil tennis with the ladies. After spritzing her in the mouth with breath freshener, Maxine makes Cody kiss her hand. Naomi says she wouldn't kiss Cody if he was the last man on earth. He calls her fat.

AJ pretty near tackles Cody as she kisses him. She wins. I knew she would. God, I can only imagine... (fapping, brb)

Backstage with AJ and Primo. AJ says she has something to tell him. They look for somewhere private. Door #1 reveals Dusty Rhodes and the Bellas.

Match 1: Alicia Fox vs. Kelly Kelly

Kelly hits Alicia with what I assume is her finisher for the pin.

Rating: 5/10. As always with the divas, I'm looking for quality above which they can provide. You say lower my standards, I say improve your wrestling.

AJ and Primo still looking for privacy. Door #2 holds Maxine frenching Hornswoggle. But it's not what it looks like apparently.

Looks like we have another competition. This one involves opening wedding gifts to find a flag before your opponents. Wow this is pathetic. Over mercifully quick with Kaitlyn winning. Since this was our last competition for the evening, Naomi has clinched immunity.

Back from commercials and the ring is being decorated for the wedding. Backstage with AJ and Primo again. They stop next to a shipping container or something. AJ is about to say something when the container starts shaking. They walk around to the open side to reveal Kaitlyn and Dolph going at it like horny teenagers.

Here comes Vickie. Cat fight, lots of screaming. In the end Vickie takes a cake to the face.

Looks like the wedding is up now. Apparently Johnny Ace was the coordinator. Cody Rhodes comes out first, followed by the American Dream. Hornswoggle is the ring bearer. Cole says that apparently Fozzy is playing at the reception. For those unaware (or just ignorant of good music) Fozzy is Chris Jericho's band.

My word, Goldust is wearing a Tux. Aksana looks like either a showgirl or a mail order hooker.

It gets better: they wrote their own vows. Now if nobody objects, wait -- the pastor objects, because everybody has a price. Here come Ted and Maryse with the immigration officer. There is one thing that Goldust can do to save the wedding and that is to give back the $Million Title.

Dusty apparently foresaw this and got himself a southern minister. He got himself Ted SR. who is actually an ordained minister. Jr. asks why he's doing this. Sr. says it's because the look on Jr's face is priceless (hahahahahaha). The ceremony continues.

Old Man Rhodes steals the first kiss from Goldust. Goldust leans in and SMACK! Aksana storms out after laying a slap on Goldilock's cheek. No explanation is given. I guess they are still "legally" married.

It's time for the elimination. It's Maxine.

That's the end of the show for this week.

Average match rating: 5/10 (-0.7)

Overall Show Rating:  7/10 (+2)

Magic 8-Ball: Aksana will explain why she slapped Goldust

AJ will tell Primo what she wanted to say this week

Vickie will set up some ridiculous match for Kaitlyn, and stay with Dolph because it was Kaitlyn's fault he cheated

Maxine will be caught with either Hornswoggle again or a different guy

I'll have my feature post up some time over the weekend for you guys. If there's any feedback or suggestions you have, drop me a line either on Facebook or at

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