November 17, 2010

Old School Raw Review

So, for this post, I wanted to take the blog old school, but I don't quite know how to do that. So you're stuck with the same new school ACA-CT.

We open Raw with an old school intro. Can someone turn that siren off?

Old school stage which looks pretty cool. Everything is mid 80's-mid 90's era. Dear God what the fuck is Justin Roberts wearing? He introduces "Mean" Gene Okerlund. Gene has his own little interview area set up. He brings out "Cowboy" Bob Orton. He talks a bit about Randy and Survivor Series.

Barrett comes out and says that he doesn't owe anything to the old school. He's where he is because of his own initiative. Here comes Miz now. He talks about cashing in his money in the bank tonight, and how Barrett wouldn't be facing Orton for the title after that, which means Cena will be in Nexus forever.

Cena up on the tron now.Some lip flapping and it ends with Cena and Miz having a match later tonight.

Match 1: Dolph Ziggler vs. Sexual Chocolate

Powerslam by Chocolate. He misses on a pancake splash as Dolph rolls out of the way. Dolph to his feet first and hits the Zig Zag. Chocolate kicks out of Ziggler's pin. Another Zig Zag, another near fall. Ziggler locks in the Sleeper. Chocolate's arm falls and the ref calls the match.

Rating: 7/10. Average match, but Henry was way too slow as always. He has this habit of making any match drag and it bothers me, especially when he's in the ring with someone like Dolph.

Backstage and DH Smith is talking to Tyson Kidd. Smith says that his dad and the Dynamite Kid didn't see eye to eye but they were one of the greatest tag teams ever. Tyson agrees. They run into Tony Atlas who starts rambling about him and Rocky Johnson. Kidd and Smith walk away leaving Atlas babbling.

For some reason Tony rubs WD40 into his arms.

Match 2: Hart Dynasty vs. Nexus (Gabriel and Slater)

Slater and Smith are both trying to make it to their corners. Smith gets to Tyson, who kicks Smith in the head and walks out. Gabriel is tagged in and hits the 450 on a downed Smith.

Rating: 8/10. Excellent work from both teams as always. I'm disappointed that Hart Dynasty has been split up, as they were one of the last real tag teams in WWE. Other than that, it was great.

Gene is backstage with Randy Orton now. Before he can answer Gene's question, Truth cuts him off and starts defending Cena. He says that Cena's going to choose to be free at the PPV and Orton can either fight or just let it happen.

Back from commercials and Justin Roberts introduces the Fink. He introduces the Brooklyn Brawler and Harvey Wippleman. Brawler complains that he didn't get a standing ovation. Brawler issues an open challenge to the new school.

Match 3: Brooklyn Brawler vs. Ezekiel Jackson

Zeke with a chokeslam and the pinfall.

Rating: 4/10. You know my opinion of squash matches.

In the Nexus locker room, Otunga is telling someone to step up and take out R Truth. Barrett comes in and tells Otunga that that someone will be him. Fuck, I thought the old school was devoid of email. King agrees. The GM says Otunga won't be facing Truth because Otunga will be in a special match later. Instead, Barrett will face Truth. Cena walks in and asks for a "thank you" for taking care of Miz (who didn't really need to be taken care of).

Match 4: Cena vs. Miz

Miz says that Cena is wrong in that Cena thinks he won't have any problems if he takes Miz out. But there is a problem. The GM never sanctioned the match, so Miz decides to make a substitution.

Match 4.1: Cena vs. Alex Riley

AA, STF, that's that.

Rating: 4/10. It's Cena, what do you expect?

Miz in the ring now. Orton runs out and gets rid of Miz. HEre comes Nexus. Orton cleans house and stares down Cena. They trade a few punches before the refs break them up. The GM announces that Orton and Cena will be guests on..... Piper's Pit. This will either be really hilarious, or really bad.

The siren is blaring again. I know it's part of the old school thing, but it's annoying me.

Iron Sheik and Nikolai Volkoff in the ring. Volkoff sings the Soviet anthem. Of all the times I didn't want an interruption, Santino gives us one. Although given who's in the ring, it makes sense. Kozlov joins the singing. According to Santino, it was "crushingly terrible." Santino says there's a song he wants everyone to hear.

Holy shit it's the Slickster! Seriously, I did just mark out a bit. Now THAT ladies and gentlemen is how you sing your own entrance music. Take note Truth. Jive Soul Bro FTMFW!

Sheik starts babbling about Hulkamania and USSR #1 and so on.

The Usos interrupt now. Here comes Jimmy Snuka.

Match 5: Santino and Kozlov vs. the Usos (#1 Contender match)

Kozlov with a hot tag to Santino. Santino is on fire as he downs Uso #1 (yeah, I can't tell them apart). Santino with a headbutt on Uso #1 and a pin attempt. Kozlov stops Uso #2 from breaking the pin up. Uso #1 kicks out anyways. Santino ducks Uso #1 and hits the Cobra for the victory.

Rating: 6/10. I think Santino is underrated in the ring. He's not the best by far, but he does deserve some credit. I don't take him and Kozlov seriously as title contenders though.

Sheamus runs in and Brogue Kicks Kozlov. Santino backed into a corner. Sheamus is literally just pushing Santino around. John Morrison to the rescue. Go figure. Morrison finally explains himself saying that Sheamus is a bully. When bullies feel threatened, they back away. Speaking from experience, that's not true.

Match 6: Otunga vs. Kofi Kingston

George Steele is here for some reason. He's eating the turnbuckle. Goody.

Kofi is dominating. Trouble in Paradise and Kofi wins.

Rating: 5/10. Glad Otunga lost. Brings him closer to leaving Nexus. Aside form that this match was a disaster. Why Steele? Seriously, I can't figure it out.

Morrison talking backstage with Arn Anderson and Jerry Briscoe. Sheamus Brogue Kicks Morrison and accepts his challenge to a mach at SSeries.

Aksana is walking around backstage with the $Million Title. HOOOOO!!!! Hacksaw's here. He says Aksana's mom is waiting for her just around the corner. Aksana walks over and she proclaims "mom, you've lost weight." Turns out, it's the American Dream Dusty Rhodes. Someone tosses a net over Aksana. Goldust wrestles the Title away from her. He returns it to Money Inc. DiBiase Sr. goes to give the belt back to Jr. who doesn't want it back. He wants something else that isn't a hand me down. I'd take the $Million Title if it were just handed to me.

Cody Rhodes comes in and talks to his dad and brother. Dusty admits to raising weird kids before breaking into a dance along with Tatanka and Hacksaw. Cue the Ron Simmons "Damn."

Match 7: Barrett vs. Truth

Wasteland by Barrett for the pinfall.

Rating: 6/10. Again, I don't like squash matches, but given who was involved I think it was a good thing for Nexus.

Holy Shit! Chavo Classic along with Alberto Del Rio make their way to the ring. Tito Santana cuts off Rodriguez and introduces Del Rio himself. Del Rio makes a few fat American jokes. Sgt. Slaughter is in the ring now. He calls Del Rio puke. They end up having a match.

Match 8: Slaughter vs. Del Rio

Several cobra clutch attempts fail. Del Rio with a nice kick to Slaughter's head and a pinfall victory.

Rating: 6/10. It was cool to see Slaughter again, but at the same time he didn't need to be in a match.

After the match Del Rio continues to attack Slaughter. This gets broken up by MVP. Maybe MVP is still getting a push....

Dear GOD It's Mae Young. Why won't she die?

I don't know if this is good or bad but here comes LayCool. They make a shit ton of "old" jokes before Mae demands a match with those sluts. Yes, she said sluts. Apparently she also wants the match to be no DQ. She called them bitches as well.

Match 9: Mae Young vs. LayCool

The bell rings and McCool and Layla are trying to decide who's going to fight. A few other divas come out and beat down Layla. They drag her over to Mae who pins her with her foot.

Rating: 2/10. Way to make your top heel divas look like shit. I may not like LayCool but at the same time if they're going to be pushed as the top heels they shouldn't be made to look inferior to someone who is 3x their age.

The Fink introduces our special guest announcer. Good Ol' JR. FUCK YEAH BOOMER SOONER! Are him and Cole wearing the same jacket?

Match 10: Brian Danielson vs. Jack Swagger

Cole getting ignored by King and JR. It's epic.

Swagger in control. Gutwrench powerbomb countered by Danielson. Swagger with a backbreaker instead. Another gutwrench powerbomb counter by Danielson and a nice kick to the head. Danielson picks up the win.

Rating: 8/10. Great work from both men. Would love to see a feud develop here.

After the match Ted DiBiase hits Dream Street on Danielson.

We have all of the legends on the stage now.

Jimmy Snuka
Bob Orton
Tito Santana
Sgt. Slaughter
Brooklyn Brawler
Chavo Classic
Gene Okerlund
The Fink
Mae Young
Jerry Briscoe
Ted DiBiase Sr.
Tony Atlas
Arn Anderson
Ron Simmons
Dusty Rhodes
George Steele
Iron Sheik
Nikolai Volkoff

Here comes Roddy Fucking Piper.

He says that old school isn't about nostalgia or happy feelings, it's about manning up. He talks about smashing Lou Albano with a gold record and smashing Superfly with a coconut. Now, without further ado, it's time for Piper's Pit.

Here comes Cena. I'm so excited. Piper essentially says that Cena's spitting in the face of all the legends by choosing to be free from Nexus.

Cena proceeds to kiss legend ass. Barrett comes out now and says that he doesn't need Cena to help him win but there's a reality Cena needs to face. If Cena doesn't raise Barrett's hand, if Barrett doesn't win the WWE Title, Cena is history.

Piper is getting pissed now. He says that if Barrett has Cena hand him the title, Barrett may have the championship, but he won't be a champion. Barrett forces Cena to put on a Nexus shirt. Barrett talks a little more about the implications this sunday before Orton comes out.

Orton says that ever since last week, he's been trying to put an to everything by kicking Cena in the skull.

Cena calls him out on it. Orton responds by saying he could either go after Cena, or....

He jumps Barrett. He has Barrett down and starts stalking him for an RKO. Small glitch in my feed and Orton tosses Barrett out of the ring. Cena's down as well. Cena avoids a punt and gets Orton with the AA. Afterward Cena looks so upset about it. Barrett gets back into the ring.

He forces Cena to raise his hand. Cena does, but then pulls Barrett in for the AA. Cena standing tall with Piper as the show fades out.

Average match rating: 5.6/10 (-0.1)

Match of the Night: Danielson vs. Swagger

Overall Show Rating: 8/10 (+1)

Magic 8-Ball:

DiBiase is looking to become the US Champion
DH Smith will try to reconcile with Tyson, but Tyson will blow him off
Otunga will be out of Nexus by next week
Cena will sadly still be with us

I think that given my strong dislike of squash matches, I'll rant about them for my next feature post. No promises on when it will be up, but I'll aim for around this time next week. As always regularly scheduled reviews will continue.

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