August 4, 2009

The John Cena Mail Bag

It's time once again to dig through some Cena fan mail. Since Cena's too busy doing little boys up the ass, I'll answer these for him.

"Yo man ya 2 sick jst crazy"

-- Yes, John Cena is sick. He has an infatuation with little boys, and that's never good.

"john cena is so cool your mum will wake up and her cloeths will be out off fasion"

-- Wait... Cena's now so cool that he controls fashion? Uh oh. Women, now would be a good time to stop following trends.

"my son love u like hell no more life with me so have fin woth my son~!justin veevee!"

-- You're sending your son to live with Cena? not only is that horrible parenting, but I smell a Wacko Jacko-esque lawsuit in the near future.

"Cena ur the man & u rock, if u wea food u cud 've been my favourite meal"

-- Translation: "I want to eat your man meat"

"Cena your are the best you are my camp"

-- Cena Camp: Way scarier than Sleepaway Camp could ever dream of being

"You are the best wrestling,you are my favorit!Go John Cena Go......."

-- John Cena is so powerful that you can now use verbs as adjectives to describe his awesomeness? I guess this is why Cena fans have such bad grammar

"0mg! CENA! IM ACUALY TAWKN 2 U! 0MG 0MG 0MG! I S00000 L0VE U!"

-- I d0n't kn0w where t0 begin with this 0ne....Aside fr0m y0ur gratuit0us use of zer0's as o's, you really think you're talking to John Cena? How blonde are you?

"you very great man! U must beat all of wrestler in WWE! Ok!"

-- Oh Cena beats them alright....


-- What's a BUSTER5? Yes, Cena is a cunt and a pussy. Good for you to notice.

"congrats for winning of beat a second against miz now u take belt from orton first u cut the tail of orton then make him tap"

-- John Cena: So powerful he can now beat time.

"john cena u rock dude u are my hero u rock so hard i what to be like u when i grow up like u. go big or go home dude from your fan luke stephan murphy go qld"

-- You want to grow up to have John Cena's rock hard "hero" in your ass? You may want to get some therapy for that.

"Just wanted you to know that my 14 yr old son has a rare genetic disorder and HE is YOUR biggest fan!"

-- Ladies and gentlemen: we now have a genetic link between Cena fans and diseases! Call the WHO before it's too late!

"luv ur acting,ur appearance,ur smack.ur are my wrestler 4 life cos they can see u."luv u""

-- I knew it! Cena IS a drug dealer!

"Check out your mini-me. He had a blast seeing you at Night of Champions...can't wait for Summerslam"

-- Let me get this straight: you were staring at his package while it was blasting at NOC? You have issues.

"My 8-year-old son had a blast seeing John wrestle live. He bought the 12 Rounds movie that was autographed. Awesome action-packed movie. I'm so glad he was able to experience his first live wrestling with his daddy and his uncle."

-- Ma'am, I hate to break it to you, but your son is gay. I think it may have to do with the fact that his father is your brother.

"Helo john cena i am a huge fan of u i dnt thnk u wl gt a bigger fan thn me i got al of ur pics up 0n my hole in my ro0m i am a wwe lover"

-- Cena pictures on your hole, eh? Well, Cena's dick is so small that you couldn't tell the diference between it and a peice of paper...

That's all for now, tune in tomorrow (or thursday, whenever I have time) for the finish of Fantasy Storylines.



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